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"A ridiculous family of genius, hilarious, irresistible music makers, currently crowd-surfing to the bar all over the great county of Yorkshire and beyond, into the venues and music festivals of the UK. Long may they rock... but gently"
Eliza Carthy MBE

Multi-Award Winning Folk-Musician

"Despite their plain and rather ordinary appearance, they are actually completely nuts. They are legends in their own tank-tops."
Fuzz Townshend
TV presenter (National Geographic's/Channel 4's Car S.O.S.) & former drummer
with 'Pop Will Eat Itself', 'The Wonder Stuff' & 'Nine Inch Nails'

"Oh man! You guys look crazier than us!"

Wayne Coyne
Frontman of six-time Grammy winners, 'The Flaming Lips' 


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Ringleader, Maker of Mischief, Jesus in a tank-top, Eejit


NAME: Scott Doonican

HAIR: Brown 

FUNCTION: Vocals, Geetar, Ukulele, Banjulele, Kazoo, Omnichord, Crowd-Surfing

LIKES: Anything that makes him drunk, but doesn't give him a hangover

DOESN'T LIKE: Hangovers or sprouts (in either order - and certainly not together!) 



AMBITIONS: To find something that makes him drunk but doesn't give him a hangover, to one day play the Albert Hall.

STRANGE BUT TRUE: Although the Doonican's all love their stylish knit-wear, as a child Scott had a hatred of tank-tops because his mum made him awful home-made ones because she didn’t know how to knit sleeves to make a full jumper!

Scott also regularly performs songs from the Doonicans' discography in his 'One Man Show' as well as with the band.

By a series of circumstances, none of which he is prepared to divulge, "until the book and movie rights are completely sewn-up," as he so eloquently puts it himself, Scott Doonican arrived somehow in Barnsley Rock City, and within the blinking of an eye had established himself as an intellectual, all-round athlete, celebrated man of opinion, and possibly the greatest entertainer of a generation, if not in the history of the entire planet.


This quiet, self-effacing man, this deep, windswept and interesting individual, who numbers amongst his hobbies, a tank-top collection of breathtaking magnitude, has not changed a bit since the early days of the band. In a typical self-mocking way, he attributes his success to a natural talent and a lifetime of exceptionally hard work and dedication.

As The Bar-Steward Sons of Val Doonican's outspoken frontman, Scott is a debonair and theatrical performer with a half thought-out plan and a mouth with a mind of its own. Can you trust him? To be silly, yes. To be a gob-shite, yes. To behave, hell no. Like a bus conductor standing in front of an orchestra with a spoon in one hand and a pint in the other, he is quite clearly here for a good time, not a long time. He claims to have formed the band in 2006, "to fuse the theatrical stage antics of Freddie Mercury with the comedy-folk of Mike Harding, in order to form the world's greatest band in knitwear". 

There is an element on uncertainty about all of the above, but the rest, as we say, is history. 

(Scott's solo shows Electronic Press Kit can be found here)

Photo by Graham Whitmore

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Painting by Paine Proffitt

NAME: Alan Doonican

HAIR: Ginger (er... it's strawbery blonde, actually!!)

FUNCTION: Accordion & Keyboard Fingerer, Keytar Wizard, Ukulele Player of Ill Repute,

Silent Farter, Master Story-Teller, Eye-Candy, Vocals

LIKES: Festivals and easy access to a stage door

DOESN'T LIKE: Venues with rubbish parking facilities 

FAVOURITE BICYCLE: The Raleigh Chopper Mk. I

HOBBIES: Has an extensive collection of Uri Gellar's bent forks

AMBITIONS: To give Donald Trump a decent hair-cut rather than a dead animal on his head.  

STRANGE BUT TRUE: Alan Doonican is the only other Bar-Steward Son ever to be have been called Alan.


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Sex Symbol, Fashion Icon, Organ Tickler

Photo by Haluk Gurer

Contrary to popular belief, on a momentus day in 1978, Louise Brown was not actually the world's first 'Test-Tube Baby'. Unknown to to the general public, this pioneering medical advance had been given something of a 'test-run' by physiologist Robert Geoffrey Edwards & embryologist Alan Frank Eisenstein a whole twenty-six years earlier, in 1952. The early days of what would become known in the future as 'in-vitro fertilisation', was not the exact science that it is today. Nevertheless, two dizygotic twin brothers from the same mother and an anonymous donor from the Emerald Isle, were the product of these early experiments. The product of Mr Eisenstein's first petri-dish (labelled ALAN#1) featured some genetic abnormalities, and the second petri-dish (labelled ALAN#2) was placed in a cryogenic freezer for 16 years until more was known about how to correct the defects, and enhance the overall aesthetics. 
As a result, Alan Doonican #2, was born in 1968 and raised by adoptive parents, pentecostal preachers from near Chesterfield in Derbyshire. He toured the southern hemisphere for most of his young adult life as an accomplished self-taught bra-unhooker, until his early thirties, when, as part of the all-star cabaret on a rather down-market cruise of the upper reaches of the Amazon, he was snatched, and subsequently sold to river pirates, as a white slave, to an organ grinder on a passing Spanish Man O'War. 
After a very daring and successful escape attempt, and with his organ only half ground, Alan managed to join a troupe of long distance accordion players who were working their way through art school. They later settled in Barnsley, where Alan spent many happy years yodeling, doing part-time modelling work for Kays Catalogue, and absorbing the intricacies of the piano accordion, an instrument on which he has since become something of a legend. 

Sadly, his 'creator', Sir Alan Eisenstein passed away in September 2014, and, after the execution of his will, Alan's true-identity as the world's second  test-tube baby, was revealed. After this shocking revelation, his predecessor, Alan Doonican #1 chose, at the funeral, to pass the baton (and his tank-top) to his newly-found younger sibling. On assuming his role in Yorkshire's hardest working comedy band, Alan #2 also took on the extra pressure of becoming the 'Eye-Candy of the Band' from that day to now, which is no mean feat, we can tell you.

The rest, as we say, is history!

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Alan Paine.png

Painting by Paine Proffitt

Photo by Haluk Gurer





The New Kids On The Block

That's right, for the first time since 2014 we are introducing some new members to the band. They will join Scott and Alan for their first band show of 2024, and a number of Spring/Summer dates follow that show. 


Bag your tickets for the Big Reveal show or go to the TOUR page for the rest of the dates! 

The future is always in the last place you look... 

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